Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
