dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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