I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
