I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
