and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize