ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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