Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
