i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
