I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
