I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Someone came in the potted fern
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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