Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
