Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I smell stomach acid.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
