Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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