I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
