But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
