woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
