Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Enjoy the penises
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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