It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
