Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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