i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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