I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
