So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
