i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
