there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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