i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
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