Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
