O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
