So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
