why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
