This girl is more easily done than said...
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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