fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
i now understand why vodka
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
