Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize