lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
