My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
