I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
