he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize