I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
