Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
