respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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