i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
