Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
