Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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