I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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