I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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