My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
