I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
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