Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize