It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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