So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
