i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
