you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize