I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Mom said you looked used
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
