I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
