Where is the hickey?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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