Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
