So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
