Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
