It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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