She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Randomize