its not stalking. its research.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
