I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
