I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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