he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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