I will die if light touches me.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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